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I wanted to write down exactly how it feels

To lose you… 

but for some reason the page stayed empty for a long time. 

You were my hardest good bye.

I’m unsure 

Which pain is worse ?

The agony that it happened or

The ache for what never will ?!

You were tiny

No more than a flutter.

I couldn’t envision your face

But you’re my companion of the night,

And wander through my lonely hours.

And I couldn’t have described it any better.

I adapt,

I accept.

But, 

I  couldn’t get over it.  

I will always wonder

Who you would 

Have been !!

You might have become a miracle

Like all the other children.

The one with curly hair 

In Matilda Jane clothing

Holding onto a 

Bear,a bunny or a baby doll maybe.

Having meltdowns and

Being a cuddle bug ! 

Riding on daddy’s back and

Blowing dandelions in the park.

You could’ve been anyone!!!

But you didn’t stay long. 

Like the

One chair in my dining,

My arms are still empty.

There is a unique pain

That comes from preparing 

A place in your heart 

For a child

That never comes 

It seems too short a time

A mere few weeks – as others think. 

But I still cannot 

Obtain closure.

I was not brave enough 

To keep you

And not enough 

To let you go.

My heart is broken

And will always be.

It’s something I have to cope

For the rest of my life.

I’m sorry you never

Got a chance. 

Just keep swinging 

Deep down inside of me. 


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